I don’t think I slept a wink last night, hovering over the girls with a constant unshakable anxiety that these past eight days have brought to the forefront. If you are here reading this, you know why. I thank you for checking in on me and my family; for your continued support, prayers and love uplifts us. You have in your own way carried some of this burden too. Some of you have held us as we wept; you may have done the same perhaps alongside us or on the other side of the screen reading into our lives. Many of you have reached out to us, be it a short note via social media, a card, a knowing smile, a hand squeeze or ears willing to listen to me say his name so often you no-longer blink, as if he never left us. True friends and loving family we are grateful God has kept you in our lives.
This past weekend we gathered with immediate family to remember Owen, releasing balloons to the heavens, thankful for his short time with us. It was a surprisingly relaxing day enjoying the sun in good company. As I flip through pictures on my camera my heart is filled with the faces smiling back at me. My husband, our girls – loving Avis’ crazy messy hair, sweet little cousins dashing in and out of the frame so full of life’s zest we cannot contain them splashing along the beach. Each of you unknowingly served as rescue from my anxiety that day...for a few hours the air was light. I searched for a family picture to take account of the day, they all seem so flawed. It’s not what you might think, it’s not that obvious: eyes squinting from the sun, everyone looking in a different directions, toddler fussing, baby sleeping, winks, wiggles and giggles – no this is normal, this is everyday messy perfection. Those are moments I can't get enough of,even when in the moment I may not realize it. Instead what I notice most is what is missing. All I see is that Owen is not in any frame. I will never have a complete family picture. Outwardly our family of five will always appear to be four – this flaw will always poke at my heart. And yet it's as it should be,according to His plan.
Today I invite you to remember our sweet boy. Pick a day this week to let go of any anxiety, put away any doubt or worries that others my see a flaw. Instead sit with your family without distractions and just watch and listen and enjoy your picture perfect moments. They go by too fast.
Today I invite you to remember our sweet boy. Pick a day this week to let go of any anxiety, put away any doubt or worries that others my see a flaw. Instead sit with your family without distractions and just watch and listen and enjoy your picture perfect moments. They go by too fast.
