He is five today.
When you become a parent your perspective changes, your focus shifts to this new beautiful life. Birthdays become less about yours and more about theirs. Yet as a mother their birthdays are very much about you on many levels, but we tend to keep that in the background to not over-shadow their special day. We remember this day of labor, the excitement and fear, the pain that is easily overcome by the joy of seeing your child for the first time. There are so many memories ingrained, and every year it all rushes back. You become at awe of how fast another year has pushed between this initial date. You smile a lot that day and might even cry, just a little, because your baby is not a baby. Ah, but they always will be.
It is no different for me, even in death, I celebrate Owen's life. I may not have five years of milestones to look back on, but I still have all the motherly memories that seem so fresh: sounds, scents, sights, emotions. There will not be a big party with family and gifts, yet we celebrate in our own way. Our children are our gifts on this day, always.
He is five today.
We make our annual trip to the cemetery, to release five brightly colored birthday balloons. I imagine that is what Owen might have liked. I picked out the most colorful cupcakes and flowers to marry it all together. Let us be bright today, let us make a week of it. Our ride is lively, not at all sullen. Ilah May blows raspberries and hums along with the vibration of the car as Avis Rose laughs at her little sister. I close my eyes and take it in, these sweet giggles spill into my heart along with a warm strong hand to hold; Thank you God for my family for grace to endure. Though my passenger of grief rides alongside me as we make our way to the cemetery it is laugher and love that resonates.
He is five today.
And to the heavens we send our love, our laughter, our bright balloons. Owen is five today, in the arms of our Lord.
Happy Birthday Owen Gordon, be bright sweet boy! Love Mom, Dad and Sissy's
I encourage you to find five things this week to be thankful for. Even on the darkest days, He brings us light. There is good in every day. Remind your children of this, share with them the joy you find this week.
