Heavier Things
A day of thanks was far from it. I tried, I truly did. On top of being ill the day just seemed so…… heavy.  A broken heart and empty arms consumed me. Why today? It was only Thanksgiving. Oh my, Christmas is around the corner. As I lounged around in my pajamas my husband handed me the “Black Friday” ads. Not that I had planned on going out in that mess, but I still wanted to see what I was going to miss out on. That’s what did it. I realized I should be planning a shopping list, hitting the deals, trimming the tree and all things babies first Christmas. The tears came, streaming, heavy, endless.

Can we just escape the holidays? This makes me sad and a little disappointed in myself. My mood has been thick through today, and than something happened. The moon, well it happens every-night, bright shiny thing in the dark sky.Yep, that's what I'm talking about - you've seen it I'm sure. Well unless you live on the moon. But this was different, the night sky was cloudy, looking up there was a luminous ring around the moon where the clouds had seperated forming a perfect "O". The colors where amazing, a hazy orange with bright flecks of white light and deep purple clouds kind enough to avoid my view. It was beautiful. My light I needed to see to awake my inner Positive Polly - good night Negative Nelly you need your rest. I feel lighter already.

What Fall Brings
September was particularly hard for us. Missing our six-month old son and realizing we have many more of these benchmark dates ahead of us without him. October I think the shock begin to wear – as I found myself crying in an aisle as I passed the cutest little infant dinosaur costume. My first public breakdown.  It was another date wondering what Owens’ life would be like today, I imagine there will be many more. There are so many emotions that go along with the death of a child and being a surviving parent.  We are the ones alive, left behind with grief and devastation all the while having to live life, care for our daily responsibilities and watch the world continue to turn around us. It’s like having a second full-time job, as if we’re leading two lives – it is hard work! There is a small part of me that feels relief (for lack of a better word) that we are able to continue on with our lives and stay busy (busy hands=busy mind). Then there is the part of me that just doesn’t want to go out in the world and walk in these shoes I can not take off.  I have two choices, I can shut myself in from the world around me or I can wake-up with my ugly shoes and wear them out in the world and honor our son and try and make a difference in others lives.
Gordy and I are each working on projects to fulfill this and hope to share them with you soon. As we try to navigate our new life together there are times we are very much alone – and some days I’m OK with that. Other days acts of kindness remind us we are never alone. Be it through a card, a call or an anonymous parcel left on our door-step. God has blessed as with great friends and family. We are learning it’s OK to grieve and there is no time limit.
Each day we strive to  make it brighter in lieu if bitter